The Real Reason She’s Not as Sexual as She Used to Be

And what you can do about it.

Growing up, I heard all the time about women losing interest in sex. Married women joked about it while married men complained. They all agreed on it being a common occurrence. Girls settle down and the horniest freak stops putting out. That happens, but not always. In fact, it’s practically a script. You fell for her because of all the sexual energy. Great gal, strong physical connection, awesome sex. But then the years come, and you don’t. Not nearly as often as you hoped you would, anyway.

Somewhere along the way, something changed. She’s not as interested in sex as she used to be. If you get any physical intimacy at all, it’s pretty damn rare. You try not to let it get to you, but you can’t help it. You miss her, even though she’s right there with you. It’s easy to assume that you can’t do much about it, but most of the time, the reason is a lot simpler than that. If she’s not as sexual as she used to be, it’s probably because you’re not as sexual as you used to be either.

When things were hot and heavy, it wasn’t because she had a strong free-floating desire for sex, and you just happened to be there to give it to her. She wanted it because your dynamic got her in the mood. She wanted you because you did things that made her want you. When those things slowed down, so did her interest in sex. And if you bring them back, there’s a decent chance the spark will come back too. Every relationship is different, but there are definitely some patterns. These are some of the common ways guys tend to get less sexual over time, and why it brings down their partner’s interest in getting filthy and physical.

The NRE Faded – And Nothing Replaced It

Sexual desire is a lot easier at the start of a relationship. Most things are, really. Polyamorous people have a really useful term for that – New Relationship Energy. It’s the mix of novelty, mystery, and hormones that makes everything about your new partner seem so exciting. The way they walk, the sound of their voice, how they look when they’re concentrating on something – everything. That NRE is why sex comes so naturally at first – and why it comes so often. She’s still getting a little flustered around you, nervously trying to make a good impression on you whenever you’re together. You just have to text her out of the blue to make her feel special. You’re always on her mind, even when you’re not around. That makes getting into her pants a breeze. She’s already halfway out of them by the time you whisper something in her ear.

But at some point, the relationship isn’t so new anymore, and the NRE starts to fade. The hormones aren’t firing as hard as they used to. She doesn’t blush as soon as you say something suggestive, and squeezing her hips doesn’t make her instantly wet the way it used to. It doesn’t mean your sex life is over, you just have to ramp things up to keep it going. You’ll need to put in extra work to make her feel wanted and get her in the mood.

Chances are you’re actually putting in less work into getting laid than you used to. Because the NRE goes both ways, and it cooled off for you too. When it did, you stopped paying as much attention to her, eased back on the flirting, and aren’t spending as much time spoiling her. Which is totally normal. The effortless infatuation can’t last forever, but it doesn’t have to. Once it fades, you can still get laid on the regular. You just have to put in more effort than you used to. You’ll have to plan sexy date nights with her, look up some massage techniques and offer her plenty of sensual rubdowns. Mostly, you’ll have to be attentive and bring back the flirting – lots and lots of flirting.

The Passion Cooled Off

To bring back the passion in your relationship, it is important to make her feel attractive and desirable. Sexual passion is different from only wanting sex really bad, which can make guys try to get sex without any passion. This usually goes wrong and could lead them into begging or pleading for sex, which will make her lose interest even more. Therefore, it is essential to make her feel cute and desirable in order to remind her of how it felt to have passion.

It’s All Physical Now

Physical intimacy is not enough to turn her on, without all the emotional and mental components that need to be in place. She needs teasing and anticipation, confidence and comfort, and to feel safe enough to let her dirty, fun side out. Giving physical pleasure alone will not get her horny.

Her Sex Drive Became a Problem

Open communication about sex is crucial in a relationship. Though dwelling on her lack of sex drive as a problem that needs to be fixed changes the atmosphere. It makes sex feel like a project instead of something she can get excited about. It is essential to avoid framing her libido as a problem that needs to be fixed. This puts pressure on her and makes her feel less desirable. Instead, try approaching it like something sweet, filthy, and pleasurable that she can enjoy.

Get Back to the Basics

In most cases, it’s not just a physical issue. The condition that she needs to get in the mood is probably not there anymore. Therefore, if you want her to become more sexual, you have to be more sexual too. Work on your appearance, charm, and flirt with her. Give her lots of attention, emotional intimacy, and speak her love languages. With relationship maintenance, you can get that spark back if there is any libido left in her body.